That Time I knew Myself really well in my 20’s. 

Look, I have always taken this position that we are constantly growing, evolving, etc. We are never done doing that. We may crush goals, hit milestones but we are never done growing. 

Recently, I was reflecting on growth and thought “hmm I think I’ve changed more in my 30’s & have more confidence than I did when I was in my 20’s” and maybe that’s a little true but there is one lesson I learned really early on that has served me in countless ways: the truth about projections. 

First things first, I can spot insecurity and mean-spiritedness from 1 million miles away. I can smell it like Mary Katherine Gallagher smells her own armpits. It smells bad.

So lets the stage, In my 20’s I was taking acting classes in North Hollywood and I was very nervous, new, etc. I was in a group class, we got a scene every week with a scene partner and had to work with them all week to complete the assignment. As I got more comfortable in my classes, I got to know more people and my teachers. 

At the time, I was pretty new to LA. I think it was my first year in LA, actually and it was the first year that Bryce and I were living in the same city. I remember talking about my boyfriend in class one day and this teacher, who was maybe late 20’s or early 30’s, said to me “Oh, you guys won’t stay together. No actor ever stays with the person they’re with. Acting is self discovery and that relationship of yours will never last.” 

Now, maybe I wasn’t as confident from the perspective that I didn’t sarcastically say, “Right, because you know me really well and I can tell that based on the stories you’ve told in this class that you had that experience and it feels better if you just put that story on me too.” But, I thought it. 

Now, did that shake my faith in my relationship? No. I knew what she said was a projection. She followed that comment up with a story about how she and her boyfriend had broken up once she started working as an actor. 

I am here to tell you that there are a lot of people out there who want to put their projections onto you. They are aching for their emotions of not living up to their own expectations to latch onto someone who will say “oh my god, me too!” and “You’re so right, I probably will break up with my boyfriend based on your life experience. Thanks for the heads up!”

My friends, every word out of each one of our mouths is a projection of who we are and what we have been through. If it’s true for you, it’s true for Insecure Ida (idk why Ida is the first “I” name that came to mind, just go with it). They might not be trying to hurt you, they are simply looking for someone to agree with them and feel the same way they do. 

So, if you can’t smell bubble bursting insecurity a mile away, it’s out there. Literally everywhere. You won’t be able to change that but you will be able to say “Wow, Ida. Thank you for your insight. I don’t think that’s my journey.” and then emotionally let it fall away like a little, tiny drop of rain. 

Because, you deserve the world, my friends. You deserve to believe that every minute you are working towards a new version of you that you are getting somewhere. You deserve to believe in miracles and magic and all the woo woo. You deserve to have the power to walk away from a conversation without carrying the weight of other people’s projections because that’s all they are…projections, not facts. 

With so much love, 

Mary