“Put fear in the backseat and you’ll find freedom in the driver’s seat” – Me

Hi Friend,

Last year I had an opportunity to take a course that ended with a retreat in Costa Rica. I heard my 25 year old self who had always dreamed of going on a retreat like this say, “Do it. This is what you’ve always wanted.” So, I put the entire thing on a payment plan and let myself have anxiety off and on about it for the full 5 months! Hahaha – man, fear is so weird.

I kept thinking to myself “Dammit, this course is so good. I’m learning so much about myself. I’m really healing some old beliefs I had and doing some great reframing.” And also, “I want to be excited about Costa Rica so I’ll pretend I am but really I am so nervous to meet these women in this course in person.” 

The thing about me is I’ve held this long belief that making friends as an adult is hard. I also know that I’m weird hahaha – and I am verrrry comfortable with this knowledge until I know I’m going to be in a place with people I don’t know that well for more than a day. Because you know, if you’re weird for a day and then never see these people again, it’s fine? Look, it’s not a great argument but it’s what I believed. 

I also know that I’m the type of person who laughs at everything. I just find a lot of things funny. Some people think that it’s nerves but the truth is, I do just find a lot of life to be funny. I literally told Bryce before I left “What if I’m the only one who laughs a lot?” lol what kind of fear is that? I was worried that everyone would be very serious and that would make for a miserable week for yours truly. 

But, I sucked it up. When my fears of social anxiety popped up, I would turn them off like a light switch. I told myself that I had committed and that I needed to honor my 25 year old self and go. 

So, I went and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I don’t know how to explain the magic it was. I walked into a beautiful mansion of a home where I met 10 other women who made a permanent imprint on my heart. I even found myself a friend who laughed as much as I did and I told her “omg I’m so glad you laugh a lot.” 

In my adult life, I’ve never had an experience where I’ve walked into a group of women who were committed to changing their lives, showing up raw and honestly, and who accepted me as who I am the second I showed up. All the anxiety I had dissolved the moment I was there. 

I learned for the millionth time in my life that fear didn’t deserve the passenger seat. Fear has its place and that place is in the backseat. 

So, my friend, please learn from me. If there is something you are wanting to do and you’re letting fear tell you “no one ever laughs as much as you do, you weirdo!” then it’s time to turn that switch off and let that fear die in the dark.

I’m counting down the days when I get to see those 10 girls again in Costa Rica, hearts on our sleeves, belly laughs, and the deepest of conversations. 

Stop taking yourself so seriously and take a leap towards the thing you want to do. Unshackle yourself from fear and have dance parties under the moon and belly laughs while you connect with yourself again. Listen to your true self, the one calling you forward to be brave and live your one precious life to the fullest. 

With a lot of love & and little humor,

Mary

P.S. For information about Danielle McCleerey who led this course and retreat please visit her website here: https://daniellemccleerey.com/breakthematrix and while you’re at it give her a follow on IG: @Danielle_onthedaily

Photo taken by @itscharisssaimiko / @soulbrightstudios