Over the past several weeks I’ve had a theme come up in my human design readings and it’s something that I used to struggle with a lot: using my voice confidently. 

This can look like any of the following: 

• Not speaking up during a meeting at work even though you know you have something valuable to contribute (fear of being misunderstood)
• Not voicing you needs because they put a lot of value in making sure everyone else’s needs are met (fear of your own needs not being met) 
• Knowing you have something you would like to say to someone but you can’t articulate it well because they are too caught up in your emotions (leads to frustration and maybe an outburst) 
• Fearing that if you say the thing you want to say you won’t be liked, you’ll be judged, someone will reprimand you, someone will disagree with you and you don’t like rocking the boat

We could go on for days here but I think one of the biggest misconceptions around using your voice confidently is that you have to somehow turn into a completely different person or that you must be loud to be heard or you must speak with a lot of gusto to get your point across. And, that’s just not true. 

What is true is that stifling and silencing yourself feels a lot worse than actually saying what needs to be said. Stifling and silencing leads to you having those loud emotional outbursts. 

So, I created this rule where if something is bothering me I either have to speak up or let it go. I am not allowed to complain until the end of time if I am not willing to communicate my own needs or boundaries. It’s not fair to myself and it’s not fair to the other person. 

Let me give you an easy example. 

Bryce and I were getting ready to travel home and my sweet sweet mother called me several times to see what time I was going to leave for the airport. I responded letting her know I wasn’t sure yet because I’m the kind of person that has to stay grounded in the present when I have a lot going on and I likely won’t figure out what time I need to leave for the airport until the afternoon before I leave (I didn’t say all that – I just told her I didn’t know yet). This is something that drives most my family insane haha – my corporate job is a lot of planning ahead so I don’t do a lot of that in my personal life; I just don’t have the energy for it (#lifeofamanifestor).

She kept asking and asking and I started to get annoyed but instead of having a frustrating outburst and giving her a huffy “I know what I’m doing, stop asking me that question, etc. etc.” I looked at it from her perspective: She’s my mom, she cares that I have a low stress travel day, she cares that I don’t miss my flight because missing my flight means I don’t make it home to see her, etc. 

So, I said to her “Hey, I know you really care about me being on time, that you care that I make my flight, however, I have lived in LA for 14 years and I promise you I can figure this one out. I do appreciate your concern but I’ve got this one” and she laughed because she’s good natured like that and she didn’t ask me what time I was leaving for the airport again. Everyone lived happily ever after because I was able to communicate my needs in a way that made us both happy. 

While this probably seems pretty minor in the grand scheme of things it applies to every situation where you’re tentative to communicate for whatever the reason is. 

It’s a little weird though if you continue to say “oh it just doesn’t matter” and “I’m fine. I’ll get over it” when we both know you won’t and you’ll stew over it until the end of time because that’s what you’ve always done. 

This is something that I do a deep dive with in my 1:1 confidence coaching programs. I help you unlock these patterns, find your voice, and use it in a way that feels good to you. 

This isn’t about having a cookie cutter communication style, it’s about understanding yourself so well that you are no longer afraid to say what’s on your mind and you’re able to do it in a way that’s going to get your point across without having a vulnerability hangover. 

So, wherever you are today, remember that your voice matters, your needs matter, your boundaries are sacred and that there is a way to get your point across without turning into a completely different person. 

Your confidence is already inside of you, sometimes you just need a little dusting to find it. 

With so much love, 

Mary